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Home » Crochet Clothing Patterns » Crochet Cowl Patterns

Crochet F#CK THIS SH#T Cowl Pattern + Tutorial

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My partner, Daniel, requested a cowl that had an adult saying on it that he uses a lot. Of course, he never asks me to make him anything, and so it became a fun challenge for me. Of course, though I know his saying, I couldn't bring myself to spell it out on a real crochet cowl to wear, but I have provided two options in the downloadable if you have more courage than we do. This is the F#CK THIS SH#T Cowl pattern.

Depending on how you wear it, the four-letter words can be hidden from view, making it a private joke between family or friends. Of course, you can turn it any way you wish, depending on how ratchet you feel.

Mikey wearing adult crochet cowl pattern
F This Cowl by Mikey Crochet Pattern

This pattern can be crocheted up in about two hours using #6 weight yarn. Snug as a hug and super soft.

Crochet Cowl Worn by Michael Sellick
Crochet F This Cowl Pattern by Mikey Worn Outside

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In This Project
  • IF OFFENDED, DON'T SCROLL DOWN
  • Details
  • Abbreviations
  • Border
  • Tutorial
  • GET PATTERN
  • Show Mikey Your Version of This Project
Man wearing Crochet Cowl with Adult Saying
Crochet F Cowl Pattern by Mikey
Crochet Cowl spelling THIS on the front of it.
Crochet F This Sh Pattern by Mikey
Crochet Fair Isle Chart
Crochet Chart for FCK THIS SHT Cowl Pattern

Details

Create a very fast cowl. With the #6 Weight yarn, it works up in about 2 hours and makes for an excellent gift for yourself or a gag gift. Possibly a while elephant party gift too. 

Bernat Super Fluffee. 280 g / 9.8 oz, 163 metres / 178 yards.

  • A - Cloudy, 1 ball. 71 yards / 4 oz
  • B - Pine, 1 ball. 85 yards / 4.7 oz.

Hook: 8 mm / L/11 

Gauge: 9 waistcoat stitch and 11 rows = 4” [10 cm]Size: 22” circumference by 8.5” wide.

Abbreviations

  • Beg = Begin(ning) 
  • Ch(s) = Chain(s)
  • RS = Right Side 
  • Sl st = Slip Stitch
  • Sp(s) = Space(es
  • Splsc = Split single crochet: work sc between ‘legs’ at front and back of stitch (splitting stitch) instead of through top loops. Aka Waistcoat Stitch 
  • St(s) = Stitch(es)
  • Yoh = Yarn Over Hook

Instructions

If you are unsure what Split Single Crochet / Crochet Waistcoat Stitch is, see the tutorial below.

With A, ch 56. Careful not to twist the chain. Sl st to beg ch to form ring. 

1st rnd: RS. Do not chain. 1 sc in each stitch around. Do not join. 56 sc.

TIP: You will now continue in a continuous round, meaning you are not joining at the end of each round. However, you will want to keep an eye on the end of each round. Use a stitch marker on the last stitch and keep moving it up each time you go around. 

It’s easier to follow this concept as a graph. While it appears to lack structure, it’s thoroughly planned from start to finish. 

Carrying the Unused Colour

You will carry the yarn on the underside of the stitches. The split single crochet favours the front of the project, and the carried yarn stays under the stitches on the back side.

Remember: when changing colour and you need the next stitch to be a solid colour, the final pull-through of the last stitch must be the new colour. 

To change colour, work to the last two loops on the hook and draw the new colour through the last two loops, then proceed in the new colour.

Fair Isle Chart

Read the chart from right to left. There are 56 across with no repeats. The chart is included in the download to follow along.  

Since this is a continuous round with no slip stitching, keep an eye on the colour of the last stitch in the round versus the first colour of the next round. They may be the same colour as the one finishing the previous round.

Border

1st rnd: RS. With B, join with sl st to beg st. 1 splsc in each st around. Do not join. 

2nd rnd: 1 splsc in each st around. 

Sl st in next 2 sts and fasten off. 

Repeat border for the other side.

Man wearing Crochet Cowl with Adult Saying
Crochet F Cowl Pattern by Mikey

Tutorial

The tutorial uses this pattern.

Crochet Fair Isle Wool Cowl Pattern + Tutorial

Use the tutorial to learn to read the chart, with changes in yarns and more. We have several Fair Isle concepts here on our website.

GET PATTERN

DOWNLOAD
Crochet F Cowl by Mikey
Crochet F This Cowl Stitch Pattern
Crochet Cowl spelling THIS on the front of it.
Crochet F This Sh Pattern by Mikey
Crochet Cowl spelling Sh#t on front.
Crochet Sh Cowl Pattern

More Crochet Cowl Patterns

  • Crochet C2C Bobble Cowl Pattern + Tutorial
  • 3 Matching Winter Set Crochet Patterns by Mikey
  • Crochet COLD AS F#CK Cowl Pattern + Tutorial
  • Crochet Naughty List Fair Isle Cowl Pattern + Tutorial

Filed Under: Bernat Fluffee Yarn Patterns, Crochet Accessories Tutorials, Crochet Cowl Patterns, Fair Isle Crochet and Knit Patterns, Mikey's Crochet Cowl Patterns

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  1. M. Frisella says

    January 31, 2026 at 3:35 pm

    I made this out of two yarns that don't greatly contrast, so the message is a bit more surreptitious. Was so much fun to make, and I can't get over how well it works. It keeps me very warm, even on extremely cold windy days. Thank you so much for your patterns!

    Cozy crocheted floral neck warmer in winter snow for cold weather fashion.

    Reply
    • Mikey says

      February 01, 2026 at 1:00 pm

      I'm obsessed with the colouring. Well done.

      Reply
    • Mikey says

      February 11, 2026 at 10:03 am

      Man, it looks so chiilly there. Your version reminds me of a spring garden in the frost.

      Reply
  2. Kristi says

    December 27, 2025 at 5:48 pm

    Mikey, HELP

    I failed to connect my chain on the F This Sh#t cowl. I don't want to frog, in fear of it getting caught up with a knot. Can I just continue as a chain and slip stitch together when done? Also, if yes, do I turn my work and chain one

    Reply
    • Mikey says

      December 28, 2025 at 2:42 pm

      The waist coat stitch only works in a revolution. You cannot go back and forth with that stitch. If you have missed connecting the chain on the first time but are going in a circle now. You can sew the first round together instead of frogging it.

      Reply
Michael Sellick May 2026

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