An increasing number of people have been asking about Jeanne as they haven't seen any new designs or seen her admin on our social media pages. Jeanne Steinhilber joined my team in 2015 with fresh ideas and a desire to learn and design.
She became a friend and an integral part of The Crochet Crowd in a very short time.
Jeanne's ability to create easy-repeating patterns put her on the world stage for designs that are trustworthy and fun. She is truly exceptional. I tend to over-design; she has the magic trick naturally.
COVID-19 hit our team hard in terms of policing our communities with constant threats and intentional fighting. Wendy and Jeanne were constantly with their backs against the wall, and our business behind the scenes was no longer fun; we were waking up to dreadful moments of reality that we had to deal with the public.
Jeanne is an empath, and she naturally absorbs someone's energy. She originally joined the team to shield me from negativity, so if there was a fight going on, I wasn't aware of it most of the time. Wendy is also doing the same thing. It helps me to stay focused on the needs of the crocheters and not the fighting over crap that has nothing to do with me but people are projecting.
Let's be honest: COVID-19 brought out the best and the worst in people. Some friendships and families were tested to extremes during this time frame. To this day, it's still a significant fighting point, especially for those who are political followers.
Jeanne was absorbing too much negativity and naturally stepping back from her role. I was jealous that she could do that, but unfortunately, this is my business. She would design great things; people would say I wish you would have done this and that and more of this and that... It's never-ending. She did a great job in the original design, but the need to push designers to comply with other thoughts can be overwhelming.
Daniel and I struggled in our relationship by the end of 2022 due to negativity in the social realm. Honestly, I was angry, frustrated, and withdrawing most of the time. We had to close The Crochet Crowd Stitch Social because it was too much to handle. More moderators wouldn't have fixed the fighting, as people sometimes just want to fight over the most mundane things. Or people want to pull my team and me into a fight that isn't ours to be part of.
Is losing a relationship and financial stability worth it? That was the question.
Our model on The Crochet Crowd is to keep virtually everything for free. Unfortunately, the business on my end took a turn financially, having to cut back. Without revealing too much, my accountant made an error, causing tens of thousands of dollars in back taxes to be paid. I emptied my retirement plan to get the government paid instantly and started to dig, shovel by shovel, in a hole waiting to resurface.
It's severely inappropriate to guilt the community into funding and stepping up to pay money when a company like mine is struggling. So, I didn't broadcast our financial situation. It's no one's business, as it's my own problem to solve. I know many other creators have no issues with guilting their community or asking for donations. I just had to adjust our goals and work through the financing steps to examine the problems and work around them. You have to say no to consumers when their demands exceed what you can do physically or financially.
I cancelled several trips and other extra things Daniel and I were supposed to do. I affected our travel agent with a lack of business. It was just a terrible place to be, letting down people one after another. Saying I am feeling super bad about it is an understatement, to be frank, and involves some choice of cuss words about how angry I was and am still about it.
It was the most difficult decision I faced. Her work is valuable and deserves compensation, but being in debt means going into further debt or figuring out how not to drown.
There is an expectation in our world that patterns are free. People have no qualms about bitching about a $2.99 pattern but with our model of offering free patterns; money can be challenging. It took me until the fall of 2023 to get myself out of debt at the cost of losing an essential element to The Crochet Crowd. And no, it's not the sponsor's job to step forward to help with that. I'm a big boy for the decisions we make.
I met up with Jeanne in Australia in 2023, and it was always great to see her. However, I had the purpose of explaining to her my situation, which had an outcome that wasn't in her favour. We sat on the back of the bus together, and honestly, breaking the news to her was extremely difficult and one of the worst moments of my life. It was a horrible moment in time. I'm a terrible boss, as I cried when breaking the news to her. It was not what I wanted, but I was up against financial hardship that I couldn't get past then. I couldn't even afford to be in Australia in the first place.
Today, in May 2024, we are running on a much tighter budget. Daniel and I don't have any personal trips planned. You can only afford to do so much. I cannot work any harder than I do. We have to live within our means.
Jeanne has retired from her job and is moving on to full-time retirement. Honestly, I was also super jealous that she could retire early and enjoy the rest of her life. I cannot see myself retiring early as my life's financials are not in order to do so.
What Would I Have Done Differently
We wasted a year writing and making The Crochet Crowd Book. By the time I paid the designers and testers, the book had cost me $22,000 CDN to produce. Although over 40,000 copies were sold, the book only made $16,200 CDN. As an author, you must sell a lot of books to get your time and money back. I was unsuccessful and lost thousands of dollars, including a year that could have been spent making more free patterns and staying more engaged on social media.
With taxes on revenue like this, $16,200 converts to $7,290 bankable cash, and the rest goes to taxes. Our budget shows a net loss of $14,710, a massive loss for a company that runs on the premise of free patterns.
The book payment is made a year after the book is released, so it's a long time before compensation can be recovered. The first payment was horrifying, and I stared at the cheque in disbelief at what I had done.
I was told by professionals like Marly Bird and Repeat Crafter Me that the book area can be highly challenging, and I thought I could do it. It was a mistake, a very costly mistake.
We also made the mistake of doing some vacations and travel events that were extremely costly, absorbing what little cash we had left over against putting us into debt. That's my fault for not saying no, and I take responsibility for that.
Of course, being a homeowner means living expenses creep up on you that you don't expect. I'm human and sometimes really flawed at best.
Jeanne was one of the reasons The Crochet Crowd flourished, but times change, people change, social behaviour changes and much more. That's the guarantee of life; nothing stays the same.
Today's Team
My mom used to say to me, you will make a million dollars! That's never happened, nor do I expect it to happen to me. She says to grow and do things big. This proved in my 20s to be false and to keep things small.
There's a lot we could do better as a company, but money is always the epicentre of decision-making. I am a programmer, video host, editor, writer, budget manager, and much more. The flow chart below is my job.
The flow chart below shows Wendy's job with us. Jeanne's job was also Wendy's, but with added branches of design, like mine, without the analytics, financials and accountability to sponsors involving meetings. It's a big job no matter what team member you are.
I decided to chart our flow this year in 2024 to see what elements we could remove to free up time, but the reality of social media is that it's a huge monster. Many people enter social media without knowing how big the job is. However, the viewer or user of our information is unaware of so much that happens and their demands that 'we should have done this... should have done that' is sometimes a kick in the face.
Wendy navigates in areas of our business that I don't get too involved with as I working on content development and that type of content and accountability.
Do I miss Jeanne's designs? Absolutely. I don't believe someone of her calibre should be doing them for free, either. I've had to make some callous decisions.
One Thing to Keep In Mind
We are a Canadian company. 45% of our revenue goes directly to the government. Out of $100,000, $45,000 is paid to the government. My accountant says to keep 55% aside for taxes as a business. So, out of $100,000 in revenue, $55,000 goes to the government. This includes sales taxes on items like gas, shopping, and more.
Don't let what you see online fool you. It's not all fun and games. Indeed, we are fortunate, and I think about that daily.
I know Jeanne is missing, and I am responsible for that. I'm sorry about that.
S. Thompson says
I am well aware of the fact that you're a "big boy adult" but good gawd child!!! (Saying this as someone old enough to be your gramma lol.) That was a whole lot of awful to be carrying on your shoulders for way too many years and doing so absolutely quietly. How horrible for you, Daniel, Wendy and Jeanne. I'm so so terribly sorry that you all went through that experience and are still dealing with the backwash. I just want to hug you all and make it all better. I'm sending best wishes to Jeanne in her retirement and hope it goes well for her. I'm sending thanks to Wendy for her hard work and helpful responses that free up your time for us. I'm sending much love to Daniel because life is sometimes not so fun and yet we need to still find that fun. And I'm sending strength to you my much beloved YouTube crochet friend, because you try to stand alone too much of the time, not accepting that it's okay to lean on others for a spell to catch your breath. So many things that have occurred in the last few years now make sense after reading this. I truly understand your desire to remain private in the face of the things that beset you but also, you need to know that people will more than likely rally around you to help in whatever way they can and you will allow them. Thank you for trusting us with all this painful, informational history. Now I'm off to ask my local independent bookstore to order your book. Hugs again.
Cheryl says
You are one of the most thoughtful and compassionate people I have come across in my crochet journey. I am always astounded that you offer so much at no cost……but to yourself. I also am one that would get my knickers in a bunch when other crocheters would become so demanding of you with the “why did you” and “why don’t you” crap and then others would build upon that negativity. Get over it people!! I have been and will be forever grateful for the teaching and sharing you, Jeanne and Wendy AND Daniel have done with your followers. Stay humble, Michael; stay true to yourself and change to the need when you need to. And other than that - find your happy place and be happy in it!! (PS - love following your landscaping too! SO beautiful)
Corinne Straka says
Big hugs. No one really understands until they are the ones who have to make the decisions. COVID made it very clear that we can't take anything for granted, though so many choose to ignore it.
I deeply respect your ability to put yourself in others shoes, and your drive to make what you do as close to free as possible. I also appreciate you starting to take a stand to protect your mental health and against those who act as though everyone else in the world must do their bidding. I love your honesty, your sass, and your compassion. Give yourself the grace you give others. Thank you for all you do.