Every spring, around this time, I hit a lull and borderline depressive state. It’s awful, it’s ugly and it’s non-motivational. This year feels different than most though, I’m at a point of hopelessness and gawd it is rough.
I really have no reason to be depressed. My home life is set, warm roof over my head and meals on the table. What is broken is the chained device to my pocket, my iPhone. It is addictive and is riddled mostly in upsetting and news that angers me to the point of feeling winded, tired and to the point where I am lacking the care.
Most stuff, I can just push off my shoulders as it’s not my responsibility and there is nothing I can do to solve the problem or be part of a solution. I literally have to sift through garbage to find the joy.
I find myself looking through my newsfeeds whether it’s Facebook, Twitter and YouTube and I gasp at the rawness of the threads. I find myself gasping at the TV in news stories that really are sensationalism built up to be a story versus the news that is life-altering for many. To balance feels impossible. Yet, some things that need to be fixed are beyond my capability of doing so. So I feel hopeless because the only person I can rationally change is myself and sometimes, that’s not enough for my mentality as I want world peace but it feels impossible to have a conversation that leads to it. Always barriers and yet the people who can make a difference seem to have their own interests ahead of the rest.
Take an honest look at your newsfeed today. Find the joy! Seriously, look for the post updates that have a celebration or positive outlook. You may see what I see, it’s social media of grievances over some important issues and so many others that are so trivial, you wonder how these people function.
I’ve done myself a favour to ween myself off the daily news cycle before the start of this year. That’s helped a lot. I’ve been more creative but it’s the social media that wants to lure me back into the addiction of following play-by-play action on events. It feels like it’s treated like a sport.
Maybe I am C-19 exhausted. Many people I know are. I’ve become paranoid and I don’t shop or go to a store just for the fun of it. It’s mission-based, in and out. No dilly-dallying.
I started my experience in the yarn arts as a way to reach out to connect to the community. Now I find myself below water with my hand above the surface waiting to take a breath. I’m stuck in the undertow and though I receive many compliments a day for the work I do, it feels the greater life, outside of the yarn is broken and it’s causing me to shatter.
I cannot make happiness for others or for others to find their own joy. My personal wish is that we all, including me, make more of an effort to celebrate and have gratitude for what is working, right and a great moment, for many, it doesn’t seem people are joyous that often but I bet they are but knee jerk to the negative.
I’ll be fine, I’ll work my way through it… I’m in between tasks at this moment and I need to find a quick milestone to get me through to that next moment. It doesn’t take much, I just have to want it bad enough to push the negative and the water aside to reach for it.
Dear Mikey:
You are not alone my friend….life is hard right now for everyone, to put it plainly, “it sucks”. I am not going to tell you how you feel…because I don’t. I do have empathy and compassion for your struggles. A few suggests, take them if they make sense. Unfollow every page, unless it is important, family, friends, personal interests. Turn off all newsfeeds and advertising. If you want to know what is going on in the world, watch the 6:00 OK news for 1 hour a day. Every morning…start a gratitude journal, a 10 minute mediation. Get in touch with your physical stress to “work on” releasing it. It is OK to not be OK. We cannot be all things to All people….but we can be the right thing to the people who, love, respect, encourage and acompany us on our journey. Bless you, and remember ” You are always Loved”
Yes, I have been where you are. After years of searching for a way out of the hole I found volunteering was my way out. Doesn’t matter if it’s being a friend to the elderly, surprising someone you don’t know with a bouquet of flowers, or as we do in our town-pay for the coffee or lunch order of the person in line behind you at the drive-up. God bless you Mickey. You are loved by thousands and we need you in our life.
Hi Mikey, Please know you are not alone. We are living in such a different world this past year. Those of us who suffer with depression and anxiety are finding it particularly difficult. There isn’t always a particular reason for depression. Most times it’s caused by a chemical imbalance. If you find yourself sinking further, please reach out to someone to talk with. Please speak with your doctor who can help you find a therapist and/or appropriate medication. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out for help. Lastly, I want to thank you for sharing. The more we talk about depression, the better it is for all. <3
Hi Mikey, I sympathasize and have the same spring depression and the C-19 pain has affected us all so deeply.
I also stopped looking at the news and recently saw a YouTube that suggested that we take it easy on ourselves and reward ourselves for even one thing we do each day. I found a project that has a checklist for every row that is completed and it is all the same stitch! That’s right, one row, a reward!
I just found your website and am stunned by the creative beauty of your crochet. When my brain returns, I will look forward to working on some of your gorgeous patterns. Take care of yourself, you’re in my thoughts.
Mikey! I believe that you are an empath. Take a peek and look into it. It can be overwhelming. But I think it would be helpful for you to investigate.
Mikey life is hard but sometimes you need to look for those things that make you happy. They are sometimes difficult to find but as the days pass you will find them. As you said you have a good life and home. You also have Daniel who will help you through this stressful time. I know it is easier said than done but try to stay strong and in time things will get better.
Mikey, you just described the way 90% of us feel. I haven’t blocked social media, but if you were to scroll through my Instagram about every second or third post is about pets – they make me happy and that’s who I follow. The news…we can’t even believe what they say anymore, so why bother. The masses need to demand righteousness again!
I felt myself nodding my head with each sentence I read, Mikey. You are certainly not alone in these feelings. Keep looking for the good in your life and out in the bigger world. Unfortunately, I think that many people find themselves “stuck” right now in the negative. We have had a year in which to develop the bad habits of living mostly on line while we have been angry and scared about how C-19 has changed our lives. Regaining balance is going to take work on everyone’s part. Hang in there. Your instincts are certainly good.
I completely understand. I haven’t watched real TV in months. I prefer Netflix series like Forensic Files, etc. Depression is not understood by “normal” folks. So they don’t get what’s up with me sometimes. Keep on being YOU!!!!! Take time to breathe.
I am in the same place, right now. It’s seems almost impossible to keep smiling. It’s so hard, but I make myself find something each day to do for myself, something that makes me happy. And I don’t listen to the news, or politics. Nothing I can do about anything outside my bubble, so my bubble is my happy place. I can’t change anything outside my bubble, so I don’t try. Keep on keeping on, Mikey!
I know exactly how you feel. Some days are just overwhelming. I tend to limit my feed (to the best of my ability) to crochet, knitting, storytime and animal sanctuaries. To quote Mr Rogers “always look for the helpers”. In all the horrific garbage out there it is sometimes hard to find them, but they are there. You are one of them so although you can’t just NOT go on social media for a break, find a few sites that feed your soul. We are all hear cheering you on
Well said. You have great gift for reminding me to step back, relax and to give myself some space to embrace the gift of peace I have been given. Thank you
Mikey, you articulate what many of us feel. You say it so well. And you can see your way through it. Just by writing it to us, you take an upward step. Keep doing what you do. You are on the right track.
I am and I am sure most of us in this whole planet is going through the same thing to Mikey. I think just keeping ourselves grounded and take deep breathes out in beautiful Nature hug a tree, think happy thoughts and totally rule out those media news they totally bring fear to everyone. But most of all crocheting along with you and seeing everyone’s beautiful crochet works in Crochet Crowd will certainly chase all those blues away? I think We all gotta just hang in and support each other together for the greater good ??
You are enough; you are seen and heard; you are loved. Just keep swimming.
I feel you. I really do. Tried to build new life when I got here 3 years ago shattered in a day last August. Yarn & hooks have been my trusty companion. I enjoyed your post, videos, tutorial. Keep going! I wished gray clouds hovering will disperse with a ray of light soon!
Know that you are heard, seen, and so greatly appreciated.
Mikey, your emotional doldrums sound familiar to me. Our depression is real, but we can live with it. My depression is also somewhat cyclical but mine hits in the fall. For me, if I recognize that it is happening and then try to find mindfulness activities to get through the next day or the next hour, it helps. When it isn’t enough, like this past f’ing year, I get a “check up” with a therapist. This works for me but may not for you. My point is this. Recognizing your feelings and that they are real and cheering up won’t help. Find activities or a mindset that helps you deal. Then find assistance that works for you when needed. Finally, know that you are admired and loved and worthy. Hang in there, Bud. You can do this.
Keep breathing. I push through March every year it has the anniversary of multiple significant deaths and some years I struggle more than others. I remind myself to keep breathing. I pray you find the peace and joy in your craft it brings me. I redirect my focus counting stitches. Then I find I’m out of that ditch and moving on.
Praying for you to feel happiness and peace what helps me is I read my devotional daily and I have turned to God for strength ! ?
Oh yeah at lots and lots of gratitude!!
My depression hits worst in the spring, too–I call it Reverse Seasonal Depression Disorder. And yeah, it doesn’t matter how often I remind myself of how fortunate I am; depression just don’t care. But we’ve survived 100% of our worst days so far, right? And the possibility of being vaccinated is helping, so there’s that. Thank you for all you do, and hang in there.
Hang in there, we all feel the draw of too much media these days. Because what else is there to do. I know that when we can just get outside in our yards, take walks and breathe fresh air we will feel better. Much love!