There are some crochet stitches that exist that are so evil and awful, it causes me to roll my eyes back into my head and give it the finger!
I know, we use our fingers and wrists to create magic but sometimes, there are stitches that are definite RSVP DENIED right out of the gate. You know, those stitches that you see in a pattern and it’s the decision to persevere or to say to yourself,
“This ain’t happening… not now, not later… not ever!”
My List of Crochet Stitches:
- The Puff Stitch… Save the aggrevation and just punch me in the face already! If that hook snags one more time pulling through all of those loops! I am going to lose my ‘stitch’. Seriously pretty to look at but if you are a tight crocheter, but like the game of Monopoly… do not pass GO, just go directly to jail!
- The Bullion Stitch… Dare I say more! You want me to wrap the hook 10 times and then smile as I catch each loop and start off saying oh my gosh to words that don’t exist in Websters! Please… don’t make me do it! Bullion Stitch you say… never heard of it! That’s my immediate answer. Denial is bliss!
- Graphghan Stitches… I know some of you are like superheroes at doing picture blankets and stuff. It’s not for me. The love button on Facebook deserved to be pounded a few times. I start to blackout as soon as I hear the word bobbles! It’s all blur now! The tangling of the bobbles is enough to make me march through a cornfield like Oprah in The Color Purple!
- Half Double Crochet Straight Across… What did I tell you about wire hangers! NO WIRE HANGERS! I seem to lose 1 stitch per row! I don’t get it. I count… I do… I see dead people! Don’t even get me started in doing half double crochet in the rounds, you may need to come and find me in a trailer down by the river!
- Long Repeating Patterns like of 30 rows or something…. I have a short attention span and I want to see results right now, not 25 rows later. I want in on the project, I want off on the project. I don’t want yarn-play. Let’s get it done and hurry up, I’m starting to see shiny things to distract me! Oh look a disco ball… what were you saying to me again?
- Ch 1, 1 sc in the first st when starting a Fresh Ball of Yarn on a Row / Round… Are you kidding me… really? Let’s just pretend that the extra chain one isn’t noticeable! uh huh! That’s like a green tile in the middle of a beige tile floor! My eyes go right to it. Luckily Daddy knows how to solve this with standing single crochet. I know this is standard but still… It’s right there… LOOK right there! Do I need to march over there and show you myself?
- Front Loop / Back Loop Combo…. Just call 911 right now! Someone is going to seriously get hurt! Someone clearly had too much time on their hands to develop that! Not even going to say it’s pretty because that encourages people to do it more! Not happening, fingers in ears … la la la la la!
- Ch 2 doesn’t count as stitch, Ch 2 Counts as stitch… OMG is crochet that hard we cannot make up our minds! It is or it isn’t! Let’s standardize this right now and be done with it! My gawd. BTW, it doesn’t count as a stitch because that’s when I drop stitches for my hdc double crochet rows and rounds that then all hell breaks loose!
- FO… as the abbreviation… I’m sorry, I’m a dirty bird. This abbreviation speaks to me but not as Fasten Off, if you know what I mean! Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more! 😀
- Break VS Fasten Off… Okay, let’s deal with this. The break is when the project isn’t done but you are changing colours. Fasten off means the panel or final project is completed. For a time in my crochet career, I was literally snapping my yarn to break it! OMG, can I honestly be admitting to being gullible! I figured there was something to do with the scissors or something. Roll your eyes… and you follow me… sorry about your luck!
- Back Post Double Crochet When having to Go Back to Create Braids!… I think it’s easier if you twist my round body into a pretzel! I’m a cheater and just do it on the front side! Does that make me bi-stitchual?
In crochet, most times its happy little birds, unicorns and a side of joy but there are some things in crochet that make me go coo coo for cocoa puffs! Do you have things that drive you nuts! Leave me a comment here on the blog!
I’ll grab some pink swirly drinks, you dish the dirt! I’m listening!
More Ideas
- Finger Crochet Blanket Pattern
- Crochet Braided Cable Blanket Pattern
- Crochet Roll Down Baby Booties Pattern
The crab stitch is the definition of evil and ranks right up there with endless rows of single crochet. I have the attention span of a toddler. Let’s get this project done already…so many things I want to make.
OMG!!!! I needed this today!!! You are the best Mikey!!!! I will do a graphgan any day. Love doing them!!! Thank you for being you. Much love ?
Debbie
Almost all of the above except the puff st. I like that and have even discovered a way to “deal” with that little twist in the wraps. BTW, dear, the other 10 all seemed familiar. Hmmmm, let me see. . . . Oh, yes. Every one of them was in the Study of Planet Earth. I thought I was the only one. Now, I feel much better. My favorite one was the row with 300 sc BLO and then a row of sc over that. Damn near killed me.
Catherine Wheel is the most wretched stitch ever invented. That is all.
Pound sand, bullion stitch! Boooo!
Also, i think bobbles are fugly. They make your project look as if it has an unfortunate condition that may require medical attention.
Ugh! The Bavarian crochet stitch and Entrelac! I agree with the boullion stitch.
Oh no! I did a whole afghan calling for the Bavarian stitch and realized when finished that I had done it wrong! I did not go back but since I was making 2 (2 granddaughters), I got the second one right. They will never know and likely never compare notes! LOL
Solomon’s knot. Hate it so much. It’s pretty, but that “pull up a 1/2″ loop” makes me want to scream
I see each of these stitches (and others) as a challenge to learn and expand my knowledge of crochet. That being said, single crochet and always having to start with the chain stitch is so mundane and boring to me. I actually dread starting a project sometimes. But hey it is the base of all projects isn’t it?
And there I was, thinking you were the magic crocheter at every technique! I think you mean “aggravation” on the first one, rather than aggregation. However I agree with you on the puff stitches. Wouldn’t want to do a whole project with that. Haven’t done bullions. Don’t mind post stitches. Filet, can’t stand it. Oh, and crocodile stitch. Tried it once – now, every time I see it in a pattern, I scroll on! Too slow.
Good catch… shows grammarly doesn’t catch it all. 😀
The star stitch! Omg, just take my hook and stick me in both eyes with it! I can’t seem to get it, I try and I try and I end up with too many in my row, or not enough. Oh yeah, I count. That’s how I know I want to say FO! And not fasten off! Your words not mine Mikey!
I agree with the long stretches of any one stitch or repeat. I get bored too easily, my mind wanders, then I make stupid mistakes. I had given up on the crab stitch and started using the twisted sc for borders, then tried crab again and something just clicked. I don’t know what my mental block was in the beginning, but now I love it. I’m not planning on ever doing the bullion stitch!
OMG you’re so funny! I’m literally laughing out loud.
I have not (yet) found a stitch I didn’t like. And standardization of counts as/doesn’t count as is SO required!
Hi Mikey!! Omg I love this blog! I have to say half double is one of my faves, but I do seem to lose a st more with hd then I do any other. I think it’s because of where the top ends. These were spot on!
P.S. I read FO, but didn’t realize you were talking about fasten off, until I read those words. I always forget about that abbreviation. ??
Love you!
For me, #12 should be LOOPS. I say #9 to doing loops and I don’t mean Fasten Off!
Hi Mikey , You just crack me up. I totally agree, however the worst is the loop stitch I once started a sweater with this…what was I thinking…ended up being a doll sweater that my mom entered in a ugly doll sweater contest and I won first prize. ?
I can tolerate puff sts but the “take your hook out and then put it back in” thing with bobbles drives me bonkers. I no longer do that. Thankfully, I found a work around and I don’t take my hook out at all. Bullions… I switch to a latch hook hook thingy to do them and then back to the crochet hook after. That is the only way I have found to do them so they look at all decent. I also agree on the crab st. I can do it but my tension gets all wonky.
Thanks for the laugh today Mikey. The bobble stitch is right there with the puff stitch plus to me it just looks downright fugly. I’m doing right now a colorwork sweater for beginners with the waistcoat stitch. I’ve only done the swatch so far and already hating this stitch. I feel you on so many levels.
I am not a fan of waffle stitch blankets. Pattern is cool, but it’s a yarn eater and just annoying to me.
Another great article, Mikey. Your sense of humour comes through in your dialogue and oh, the belly laughs! I don’t necessarily agree with some of your dislikes but I can see why some of them are an absolute pain!
The bullion is my nemesis. I actually changed up a blanket so I could avoid any more. I just could not pull through all them wraparounds. It made me go coo coo for wha…?. Thanks for all you do! I’ve learned so much from you.
I have not encountered the bullion before so I just looked it up and may I say NO WAY! Cant imagine doing rows of this. Maybe for some top work…just a few.
Laughing mightily, One time ambitious me decided to to do a fine table centercloth in black with many bobbles for a young couple whose favorite colour was black. tortureous. but I did it with the help of a good light strapped to my forehead. Never again in black
Mikey, you had me at 1 and 2!! Criss cross applesauce, those are the worst two stitches that I’ve encountered. They are reversed on my list. In my current project, I actually gave up on Bullion and just substituted Puff. And for Puff stitches, I always use 7-loops (vs 9 … forget that s#!+).
I agree with Robin A , I love my trees …buttt you can leave that “alpine stitch” out in the woods with the dogs and bears .
Love your post–good to know others have un-favorite stitches! For whatever reason, mine is the star stitch. I recently completed a pocket shawl that was mostly star stitch and didn’t think I would get through it. I like how it looks, but not anxious to make another one. Keep up your posts!
I had never heard of the Bullion stitch until this post. Looked it up and all I can say is “Yikes!” That stitch will never happen in a project of mine. Thanks for an entertaining read Mikey!
I agree with with most of your choices but picots…..I really hate picots!
I can’t do a Chevron pattern no matter how many times I try it. I think it is pretty, but it is on my “walk away” list.
My least favorite stitch is the half-double especially following a chain.
OMG! I was laughing so hard thru this.. my mom was like, “are you ok?” And then Suzanne’s reply about the bar stitch.. I have tears rolling down my face! ?
Oh Mikey, I ❤️ Your blogs and your outlook on life.. thanks for starting my morning, (stuck at home in Tx due to snow -what!??) with a laugh.
I’m with you especially on the chain 2 doesn’t count as a stitch….always causes me problems. Thanks Mikey for a fun read!
I’m with you especially on the chain 2 doesn’t count as a stitch….always causes me problems. Thanks Mike for a fun read!
Reverse single crochet…aka crab stitch. I cannot wrap my head around this stitch!
I can’t either!!!! Makes me crazy!!!
Mikey, this is hilarious. I’m into Stitch Avoidance too. Thanks for a great laugh!
Don’t forget……single crochet in the 3rd bar of stitch…we only have one bar in town…and I can’t drink and crochet at the same time.
My sentiments exactly! lol
Picot’s are my “puff” stitch. Will do them cuz they are pretty, but I’m always looking for alternatives. I’ve found a lot of edging alternatives because of picots. ?. Sorry.
I didn’t like picot either until I saw someone after the chain 3 insert their hook under two threads of a stitch (just below the chain 3) instead of the 1st chain of the chain 3. Works easier – looks nicer. 🙂
I dislike picot as well! I swear it was created as a way to annoy the bejeepers out of us! Maybe I’m the odd-man-out here, but I’m not very fond of its look either.
I don’t like a triple crochet. They are easy to do, but mine always look messy by the last YO and pull through.
I’m with you on this one. I absolutely hate Triple Crochet!
I wanted/attempted a puff stitch but felt they way you described. We’ll try another day.
Love your posts and thanks for making me laugh.
This is great! ? Although I’m a loose crocheter, so puff stitch isn’t so bad for me. Try the Jasmine Stitch – pull through 13 loops ?!!!
I don’t know a jasmine 😉 not happening! haha
Love it!! Though I don’t agree 100%. I know the Catherine Wheel is your fav but by the time I get to the last few rounds of it on the Better Together I want to never ever do another double crochet again. And it’s hard to do any projects without using double crochets. I would have a stand by project so I could work on something …anything…to get a break.
Mikey,
I love bobbles but you can keep the alpine stitch! I love the way it looks when other people do it!
Mikey I love you!!! I avoid any pattern that has the popcorn stitch!!!
I can’t stand post stitches, especially when they rotate between back post stitch and front post stitch. I always get confused about what I’m doing. I just stay away from patterns that use those stitches now.